Dear Nancy Advice |
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Love Locked
Art by Emma Duffy
Dear Nancy,
Question 1: “There was a boy who confessed to me, but I ran away. I like him but now I’m too afraid to confront him. What do I do?”
Question 2: “There is this girl I like in class but when I confessed to her she ran away and now I feel heartbroken. What do I do?”
RESPONSE:
Sometimes in life we are faced with situations that require courage we think we don’t have. Looking at these two specific situations of someone confessing love to someone and them not knowing how to react and running away, or vice versa when the confessor confesses and the confessee runs away, what do both situations lack? A little bit of courage, which so happens to be the IB Learner Profile Trait of the month (Courageous)! Sometimes we need to do things we never thought we would to become someone we want to be. Comfort zones are comfortable, but nothing will grow there. You have to start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.
But that level of being 100% comfortable with things you were once uncomfortable with won’t be easy. Baby steps will be necessary, and that’s okay.
To begin, what is courage? Well, courage is the ability to act, aside possible uncomfortableness or fear. So, how do these situations lack courage?
Let’s look at perspective #1: Girl gets confessed to and she runs away, later pondering the fact that she likes the boy, but she’s too scared to tell him after the fact.
Considering the boy- he’s got to be super stressed out and confused.
Does she like me? Why did she just run off? Maybe I should give her space, maybe I came on too strong. I probably seemed annoying. Of course she doesn’t like me.
The girl running away, maybe without even realizing it, put forth a ton of mixed signals toward the boy. How is he supposed to know what to think about the whole thing?
The benefits of the girl being courageous in this situation and confessing her feelings would be plentiful.
#1: The boy would probably feel relieved.
#2: No more confusion, mixed signals or regrets!
#3: LOVE! Maybe these two would start dating!
Being afraid of telling the boy how she feels. Is there a point? Building up all of that worry and insecurity about confessing- wouldn’t it just add unneeded stress?
The girl communicating how she really feels will all in all lead to personal growth, relief and maybe even a change in paradigm.
To conclude, taking “safe” chances and speaking your mind and pushing through worry and mixed feelings isn’t a waste of time. It is a pure learning experience, and who could regret that?
Sincerely,
Nancy
Family Frenzy on turkey day
Dear Nancy,
Thanksgiving Jitters: How do I deal with my family?
Sincerely,
Concerned Student
Dear Concerned Student,
Holidays are approaching, which means we can look forward to a long break ahead of us! Sleeping in, eating great food, hanging out with family and friends, and binge watching Netflix is what break is all about! A lot of times during the break, our guardians think it is a perfect time to have a huge get together with family, which can be both a blessing and a curse! We all have those family members that we adore - to the moon and back - but also have those family members that if they couldn’t make it the family dinner we would not complain. Dealing with the family members that we don’t particularly like can certainly be a struggle!
Something that works for me during the holiday season, is not bringing up anything that we may disagree on. It is supposed to be a good time, and by bringing up a touchy topic such as politics can make the time awful. Another piece of advice that I have is that you do not initiate an argument with any family member. If you have a sibling it can be tough to get along with them at times, but when family comes around arguments are the last thing that they want to hear! I have a younger brother, and whenever we get into a disagreement someone in my family gives us the, “You guys should not be fighting right now! Can you please chill out?” look. If you have a family member who you are really close too, I suggest that you try to be around them for a while so you can be comfortable around at least one person!
Another thing that I have to recommend, is to try to be in a good mood. I know this can be extremely difficult, because of stress, or other problems that may be going on, but it is really helpful. Your relatives are more than likely going to be very stressed due to last minute errands, and getting everything together for the holidays. This sounds cheesy, but it works like a charm; try to be a suck-up to them! You can ask if they need help cooking, unpacking, or helping with their children. It may not be something that you are exactly thrilled to do, but it will get you on their good side. If they don’t need help with anything, you can try talking to them about their life, and if that doesn’t seem to work, just give them some space. Everyone needs their space every now and then, so let them be for a few minutes. Just try your hardest to be in a “good” mood, so no one can accuse you of being in a bad mood, or crabby! At the end of it all, you will realize that it wasn’t so bad, because hey, there was no school and you had a week to relax!
Sincerely,
Nancy
Thanksgiving Jitters: How do I deal with my family?
Sincerely,
Concerned Student
Dear Concerned Student,
Holidays are approaching, which means we can look forward to a long break ahead of us! Sleeping in, eating great food, hanging out with family and friends, and binge watching Netflix is what break is all about! A lot of times during the break, our guardians think it is a perfect time to have a huge get together with family, which can be both a blessing and a curse! We all have those family members that we adore - to the moon and back - but also have those family members that if they couldn’t make it the family dinner we would not complain. Dealing with the family members that we don’t particularly like can certainly be a struggle!
Something that works for me during the holiday season, is not bringing up anything that we may disagree on. It is supposed to be a good time, and by bringing up a touchy topic such as politics can make the time awful. Another piece of advice that I have is that you do not initiate an argument with any family member. If you have a sibling it can be tough to get along with them at times, but when family comes around arguments are the last thing that they want to hear! I have a younger brother, and whenever we get into a disagreement someone in my family gives us the, “You guys should not be fighting right now! Can you please chill out?” look. If you have a family member who you are really close too, I suggest that you try to be around them for a while so you can be comfortable around at least one person!
Another thing that I have to recommend, is to try to be in a good mood. I know this can be extremely difficult, because of stress, or other problems that may be going on, but it is really helpful. Your relatives are more than likely going to be very stressed due to last minute errands, and getting everything together for the holidays. This sounds cheesy, but it works like a charm; try to be a suck-up to them! You can ask if they need help cooking, unpacking, or helping with their children. It may not be something that you are exactly thrilled to do, but it will get you on their good side. If they don’t need help with anything, you can try talking to them about their life, and if that doesn’t seem to work, just give them some space. Everyone needs their space every now and then, so let them be for a few minutes. Just try your hardest to be in a “good” mood, so no one can accuse you of being in a bad mood, or crabby! At the end of it all, you will realize that it wasn’t so bad, because hey, there was no school and you had a week to relax!
Sincerely,
Nancy